“Probably for the best. I doubt sex with you wouldn’t be something to regret.” WHAT THE HELL, MAN?! That’s just ridiculously rude and insulting! “I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, I just can’t help but be honest…” This is usually when the water is thrown in my face… Any second now…Wait, is she? Yeah. She’s gone. Did she say anything else? Did she teleport? Invisibility? It doesn’t matter. Whatever it was, it was better than mine. What kind of superpower is the Official I’m Just An Awkward Foul-Mouthed Chubby Delight Shirt’s inability to lie? I’d be better off with no powers at all! Ugh… I hate my life.
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“Is it truly the worst?” I turn to see my waitress. She was cute in a nerdy sort of way. “Nerdy, am I?” Now she’s looking at me weird. I’ve done it again… Wait, I haven’t said a word. How is she- “I’m a minder, obviously.” She’s smirking. She doesn’t look angry. I’m confused. “You could try talking to me do everyone doesn’t think I’m crazy.” I look around and see everyone staring at her, confused. I want to ask her to sit down, but I’m scared I could insult her. “It’ll be easier if you Official I’m Just An Awkward Foul-Mouthed Chubby Delight Shirt just speak your mind. I’d love to join you.” What the hell is going on?
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“Well, it is a bit loud and piercing.” She’s smiling. Was that a joke? “Yes.” She laughs the weirdest laugh I’ve ever heard. “Well, that’s-” And I would do anything to hear it again. Wait… Shit. She’s speechless. She’s hearing what I’m saying. Fucking speak up.”So, you have a weird laugh.” She’s already heard that bit. Say something- wait, she’s laughing again. Am I dreaming?”No! You’re just funny is all!” She’s amazing.”Everyone else I’ve ever met has hated me. My own brother thinks I’m annoying. I was just on Official I’m Just An Awkward Foul-Mouthed Chubby Delight Shirt a date that literally vanished mid-conversation… How can you stand this?” How can you stand me?
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