I once read the autobiography of an A&E doctor, and one day this man comes in. When asked what the trouble is, he starts to go on about how he was sitting naked on his sofa, his phone rang and he sort of slipped. He nodded nervously. ‘Don’t worry. It doesn’t bother me. I am only here to help you.’ I didn’t ask what make, or if it was on vibrate mode. I X-rayed his abdomen and there it was – from the look of it probably a Nokia 6250i or something similar. I just hoped that it wouldn’t ring. There was no way that it would come out without a general anesthetic and the skills of a good surgeon. Some foreign bodies even need a cut to be made in the abdomen so that they can Nice Owl That’s What I Do I Read Books I Avoid People And I Know Things Vintage Shirt be pushed out from the inside so to speak. I explained all this to him
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The next patient’s card I picked up was an elderly lady, in her mid-70s with ‘abdominal pain’. I quite enjoy seeing elderly patients. They are usually really grateful and undemanding, and you can always try and charm them. My favourite tactic is pretending that they must have given the wrong details to the nurse as their date of birth must be at least 10 years out. It always gets a smile and then the patient gets more relaxed. This didn’t quite work with this patient. She gave a faint ‘Don’t be a patronising twat’ smile and asked me if we could go into a private cubicle. I walked with her into the gynaecological room which has a door and some privacy. She started the conversation. ‘I have a Nice Owl That’s What I Do I Read Books I Avoid People And I Know Things Vintage Shirt orange in my vagina, and I can’t get it out.
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‘OK. That’s fine; I’ll need to examine you to see if I can get it out. I’ll go and get a nurse so that she can chaperone me. Don’t worry, it’s quite a common problem.’ What the hell was I saying? No, it wasn’t a common problem, and what the hell was she doing with an orange in her fanny … and what was she doing not looking in the slightest bit embarrassed? She would have had the same facial expression if she had said Nice Owl That’s What I Do I Read Books I Avoid People And I Know Things Vintage Shirt she had slipped and fallen and hurt her wrist. I wanted to know how it got there, but I just couldn’t ask. I just stood there pretending I was unfazed and unembarrassed. I always have to remember my medical ethics of being nonjudgmental.
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