Adam Sandler calls up the president, his feet planted firmly on the ground as he puffs from a cigar and forces a fresh 21-year-old former sorority girl internet to give him a blowjob to “get ahead in the industry” as he counts his bazillion dollars in cash with the rest of the Jews. SHIT he exclaims as he pokes the beautiful blonde in the back of the throat (she really should be with a real man, someone who understands intelligence by reading Ayn Rand and throwing away religion and has a class with a tight fedora and a trench coat), I ONLY MADE 15 BAJALLION DOLLARS ON JACK AND JILL? WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER 2 MILLION? SOMEONE IS ILLEGALLY PIRATING MY MOVIES!! He immediately calls the direct line to President Obama who promptly Nice Merica Fuck Yeah Happy Independence Day Shirt cancels his meeting with Vladimir Putin on Ukraine to take the more important call. This is the President.
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A 14-year-old in his mother’s basement, toggling between the front page during the break-in a DoTA2 match looks at r/technology, the only place where he’s truly understood by brilliant undiscovered geniuses like him. Wow, this is so fucking ridiculous he thinks to himself as he reads the top link, getting no further than SOPA and PIPA before already coming to a conclusion about what the article is about – the government trying to police him illegally; he, after all, doesn’t have to read the article, he’s someone who truly understands the way the world works, with Nice Merica Fuck Yeah Happy Independence Day Shirt his unique cynical disposition as a testament to deep grasp he holds overall world affairs.
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He opens the comments, finding a brief haven from government oppression by bemoaning the utter control Obama is exercising with like-minded braves. I will not stand for this oppression he thinks to himself. I am a STEM major, and I DESERVE to download Guardians of the Galaxy without having to pay for it, my contributions to mankind will be far greater than the $11.50 I owe the movie theater. After mustering the courage to join the other brave souls on Reddit, he comments, downloading movies does not make me a terrorist. fuck Obama. That’s precisely the Nice Merica Fuck Yeah Happy Independence Day Shirt exact same thing, but since it affects Reddit’s much Moviez and many illegal sportscast streams, it’s a completely different thing.
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